3 Steps To Stop Workplace Bullying By Dr. Gavoni BCBA

3 Steps To Stop Workplace Bullying By Dr. Gavoni BCBA
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    it was 1974 I was a young dude hanging out and playing with my best friend and the next-door neighbor kid who became known to me at John Wood John the bully would readily push around my best friend a young boy who was very small for his age one day John the boy took it to the next level and he smacked my buddy as a superhero fan I still AM I knew this wasn't okay so I pumped out my chest I came to my buddy's rescue well at least I tried it wasn't long before my best friend and I went home eat up and crying you know that hard cry it's not drool everything else that comes along with apparently I'm not a one trial learner as a scenario played itself out repeatedly like this antecedent friend gets smacked behavior little Polly comes to the rescue consequence I get smacked you get smacked Christ not drool repeat one day my father got tired of me being beat up by John the bully so as he tells it he gave me a big Tonka truck if you know the Tonka trucks back in the 70s we weren't like the cheap light ones of today they were metal heavy a young man and victim of bullying himself he didn't want to see this happen to me so he told me to go out there and hit John the bully right across the face with it folks I'm not advocating for this at all I'm just letting you know the story so as the story goes I've marched down the driveway crossed threshold - John the boys yard walk right up to him and smack him as hard as I could with a Tonka truck out there brief and bewildered look John the bully looks at me and he laughs can you imagine that you just laugh and I don't know man that's some scary shit my dad watching from our yard next door once over and he grabs me picks me up runs back to our house and as he tells it you quickly locks the door and we both pick through the shades worried that John the bullies come to get us both you know during my youth I can remember seeing other kids being bullied and feeling the need to stick up for them just as I was being bullied I knew it would be the right thing to do I just didn't have the courage to do it what I tell the story well I was watching a video by my good buddy Brett denovi about being bullied I kind of felt simpatico with Brett as he and I both gravitated to combat sports which likely helped us to regain our dignity and self-respect overcome adversity and even use those bullying experiences as a springboard but there are many folks who aren't fortunate enough to find some sort of outlet or source of empowerment it's sad because bullying exists everywhere not just in schools between kids but as adults in the workplace and this is important given most of us spend a majority of our waking life in the workplace my article titled bullying in the workplace WTF I take a look at why bullying occurs in this video I'd like to give you a few simple tips for preventing or managing bullying behavior first off please know that I am not advocating for the use of violence for dealing with bullies I haven't been in a street fight in over two decades and I hope again well I strongly believe in developing skills in the martial arts as a powerful tool for improving your self-esteem and as a way to prevent or manage bully behavior it's just not for everybody / I do believe that everybody should armed themselves with knowledge about the signs of human behavior as to why people actually bully I think they should armed themselves with strategies for avoiding being bullied and I think they should armed themselves with behavioral techniques for becoming directly assertive when bullying behavior curves you know most bullies actually do not consider themselves bullies they either rationalize the behavior to make it more acceptable or their behaviors are so deeply ingrained that is just the way they interact with some people let's dive into a couple of tips that I've learned through experience and my different literature reviews and everything I've done in my life tip number one assess your own behavior there's always always room for self-improvement so consider whether you're doing anything to trigger the bad behavior let's be honest sometimes we might bear some responsibility and by this I don't mean to self blame avoid self blame people tend to magnify their own errors the issue isn't typically first it's there however do try to develop an objective and healthy view of your behaviors and the impact of them the environment that's a tip that everybody should follow whether they're being bullied or not if people have regularly called attention to some of your behaviors over the years has it something you might reflect on be certain that you're not being too sensitive about different things one way to judge this is to observe if anybody else at your workplace is being treated similarly doesn't mean that you are the issue if they aren't but if most people are being treated in the same way well it becomes much easier to determine whose behavior needs to be shaped up it's likely not yours tip number to punish initial bully behavior immediately you know this one worked for me very well it was actually the source of my success for preventing further bullying if you are 100 percent certain that somebody has behaved towards you in a way that is highly inappropriate and it is a new or relatively new behavior punish it doing something right away can really have an immediate effect on the likelihood that somebody will try to bully you again in the future and this goes for the person attempting to bully you and even others witnessing it asserting yourself immediately can avoid their currents of future of bullying behavior and remember bullies sample a variety of people like somebody might sample ice cream once they get a taste of a response they like it's on heading it off at the beginning can be very powerful some people actually choose ignore but while this might work for minor jump behavior from folks who aren't bullying not responding at all can be an issue as it might signal for the person and others that's okay to treat you that way you're essentially inadvertently giving them permission through your non-response and I never want you to give anybody permission to bully you under any condition when I say you should respond I don't mean you should smack them or anything though I would be lying if I said the thought never passed through my mind when I see folks experiencing bullying or if somebody tried to initially bully me in whatever way that they might do things I mean assert yourself immediately by firmly telling them that their behavior is unacceptable and you won't tolerate it now I wouldn't do this in public possible - wrong don't make a riot and dressing people down in public is to be wrong I see teachers do it all time with students it's typically a bad idea and can often result in kind of control as the bully wants to get back at you in the classroom kids tend to want to get back at the teachers and it creates more the very misbehavior that they're trying to get rid of however I would try to do it immediately if there are people around ask the person if you can you can do this in front of the people if they would chat with you privately for a moment Hey except I'm here can I talk to you for a minute this way you can provide them with your feedback and provide it firmly laughing no smiling your best businesslike voice good number three this is actually in three parts so it's really like three types accept it fight it or flee it now I remember at one point my career I would come home every day and complain to my wife for like six months every damn day I mean I was hooked on complaining finally one day my wife looked at me and she said and I quote stop whining and put your big-boy pants on of course my initial reaction wasn't so great and then after this thing kind of went away I started think about it and I determined that she was right I was behaving in ways that were keeping me stuck not moving me forward now for the record she had been very caring and supportive for six months of my whining that I had done every day I came home from work no I'm not advocating that you go tell somebody to stop whining and put their big-boy britches on and I'm not suggesting that you are a whiner if you're venting you shouldn't call people a whiner or think of yourself as one my wife had never called me that before or after but she sent I need to be shaken up to get me out of my self-imposed misery boy did she shake me after being shook I realized that I had to make a decision I can either accept things as they were and just commit to the daily workout to what expected of me I could take flight or I could fight again I don't mean physically those were my options accept accept the way things were fight to try to change or get the hell out of Dodge honestly I probably would have gotten the hell out of Dodge if I could but like most of us have a family a mortgage a car payment etc it just wasn't an option at that time so I chose to fight in my way with the goal of later taking flight at a better time after I had generated myself some more choices some of the behavior was directed at me a lot of it was directed at my colleagues and I hate to see people being treated poorly I didn't want to be in a culture where I felt people weren't being regularly respected I felt like I was back in grade school again trying to sum up the courage to fight the bullies so I went to each one of the offenders and asked to meet with him privately I then armed myself with documentation that I collected regarding various incidences of bullying at least what I perceived was bullying research on better approaches and then proceeded with the meeting one of the bullies actually cried I thought it might have been a breakthrough moment but unfortunately the behaviors returned relatively quickly as I mentioned most folks think they're justified in their bully behavior they don't see themselves as boys at all no my fight option was a long-term plan I decided to go back to school to further my knowledge and eventually call myself out a new path that decision has led me to this point in my career and I don't regret it one bit I should probably thank the bullies in my life as they are partially responsible for some of the good choice I've made so I always like to think it's great to make lemonade out of lemons at any rate if you decide to fight and remember I don't mean physically make sure you stick to behaviors when talking to the bullies talk specifically about what the boy did or did not do based on my experience I'd avoid talking about feelings people who care about you actually care about how you feel bullies typically don't give a crap besides sometimes this can actually muddy the water and even serve to reinforce bully behavior a summer actually reinforced by what we call signs of damage summary you can attempt to change the boy's behavior by changing your reaction you can change your environment even if this takes time at least you know you're moving in the right direction or you can accept the conditions as they are and if you are truly experiencing bullying that's having a negative impact on your work with physical or mental health I would not accept it
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